My head is spinning with worry...

I know I said I'd have something more positive to talk about next time I blogged, but, right now,  I'm worried about our future. For the first time in my life, I have an understanding of what it means when people say, "this will affect our children and our children's children." I feel a bit lost in this country right now. Lost in the sense that I know we need to go in a different direction, yet there is the high possibility that we will keep doing business as usual. I'm feeling like we are going to make our children's lives a living hell with all of the debt they will have to repay for US, and all of the healing and face-saving they will have to do globally on our behalf. I am VERY ANGRY at this current administration. So much so that I wish they'd get booted right now (the boot is a long time coming) and be ridiculed in front of the whole world to see. I want them to apologize for putting their wants before our children's needs. I want them to be held responsible and accountable for the CF of problems we find ourselves knee deep in (and rising)! How can they get away with so much? I can't even get away with sending in a late payment without some jerk calling me to offer a friendly reminder that I owe them money. And I'm killing myself trying to make ends meet, so it's not like I'm just ignoring a debt or think that I'm above it. Or even worse, feel a sense of entitlement because my government practically gave it to me in, well, do I really need to say it?? I AM ANGRY. I AM DISAPPOINTED. AND I AM NOW VERY WORRIED. 

What does all of this financial crisis mean for the type of life I will be able to offer my kids? Will we ever again have an opportunity to take our kids to visit family, go to Disneyland, or even take them abroad to see the world? What does repaying our debt look like for our children? Will they have the opportunity to have a very good education (because that's what I expect: very good, not just good)? Will they have the opportunity for excellent health coverage and excellent health management, EVER? Will they be able to buy a house when the time comes? And how does all of this compare to the lifestyle and concreted safety net that the Bush administration has secured for themselves by selling the USA out? I AM VERY ANGRY. I AM SO VERY WORRIED.

One thing I do know for certain: I will learn everything I can about how to make smart, financial decisions for my family in order to do the best that I can to ensure some level of security. I will work and work and work myself until I pay off all of our debt in order to offer my children and my marriage the best possible life. AND I will cast my vote (the only control over any of this mess that I know I have) for the only light at the end of the long, rough and dark tunnel: Barrack Obama. I believe in him. I believe that he wants the best for my family and each citizen of this country. I truly believe he can bring pride and honor back to the USA. I believe that I will find my way in my own country again because things will make sense again. 

So it's been a while....

and we have completed our camping trip, had a 2nd birthday party, got new tubes and have grown by leaps and bounds since last we spoke. The camping trip went well. Ruby loved the outdoors, slept decently in a tent and we didn't even have a face-off with a bear! Pheew! I didn't sleep much mainly because I was constantly worried that Ruby would uncover herself and be exposed to the cold of the forest all night or slip into her sleeping bag and be lost forever! I know, I'm very dramatic. I truly wish I didn't think that way. But alas, I am cursed in this way.

Her party was a great success. Everyone present seemed to have a good time, including myself (which is odd and usually a neurotic experience for me) and most importantly, Ruby seems to have an understanding of what the event was all about and speaks about it to this day. That probably means the most to me. She still sings "Happy Birthday to Ruby..." and then smiles big. This is such a precious time in her life and ours. I want to capture it all. She's also in this role-play mode where she wants to do whatever we do. I want to FEED this mode. I LOVE this mode. I can watch her all day long.

On Sept 11, Ruby got her 2nd set of tubes. I wish that I could say that I felt good about it, but she seems to still have an infection, so it just feels like a lot of work and sacrifice (mainly on Ruby's part) without any of the benefits. It makes me angry and upset to think about it. Any advice?? Any miracle cures?? I'm open to ideas. 

Work has been rough on us lately. Chad is traveling a lot and I'm swamped, to say the least, at work. We're also going into holiday mode which, in retail, means A LOT of work and usually little time at home. So, we still have our work cut out for us for the rest of the year. I pray for guidance and direction and patience and moments of clarity for us all. I need some time with my hubby. Just he and I. Not sure when we'll get it. Probably not this year. At least the year is almost over. I think I'm going to plan a getaway for us for the new year. A nice long weekend. I'll keep you posted on my thoughts on that one, but I think this will act as our light at the end of the tunnel. Good thing we have several good Mag lights to get through he tunnel! We're gonna need them! 

So, I'm thinking ahead and hoping my Mom can come up for Christmas. It's selfish to expect her to come, but I do. I really want her to be here. I still believe she will be one day. This current sinking economy is not helping the situation. She's been laid off and is currently looking for a new job. I think she and Al are OK, mainly because he still has his job and they live very modestly, but I know it's hard and limits them completely. This is one of those situations I wish I could write Oprah about and dream that she will fix it! You know, the nice , furnished home she surprises Mom with in Sacramento, plus extra money to retire on, and unlimited Southwest Airlines flights for Al to go back and forth to visit family and for both to travel with! Sounds good huh? I'm just California Dreamin'. That doesn't cost me a penny. 

I promise to have more exciting, less depressing news next time! I sure missed my blog. I won't be gone for so long this time. Much, much love....