walking

it's become my get-away. my do-something-for-yourself-and-don't-look back. my time to reflect, release and breathe. sometimes i walk and i sing. mostly i walk as fast as the beat of my music will allow. most times, i just want to keep on walking. no one around to ask me anything about anything.  it's my time to re-center. i walk around my neighborhood and down to the local park, so i get to be outside! i smile at people as i go by and they smile back. sometimes people even wave! walking fills my heart and strengthens my body. walking daily has become part of my routine and i am grateful.

Moments

This moment right now when I'm sipping on a perfect cup of coffee in the quiet morning with my dogs at my feet, warm under my girls monster high blanket, waiting for my work computer to get going, having just snuggled my dreamy husband who felt so good in my arms and knowing that my girl still sleeps so peacefully in the next room. Later, everyone will b up and there will be noise and movement and activities. Later there will be work to do, people to see, dinner to make, laundry to wash. All of it still good, but... this moment, is perfect. I cherish this moment. Thank you for this moment and for the moments to come.

Friends

Watching Ruby develop friendships reminds me of the excitement you feel when you meet someone who likes to be silly with you, likes to play similar games and activities and somehow ends up opening new "windows" of interest.  I love to watch her grow before my eyes when she's with her friends. She is this whole other person around them. She even talks differently and has this great sense of humor. I am getting to know my daughter in a different way. I remember being a kid and it seeming like my Mom really did not like to have additional kids in our home, mostly, I think, because we made a mess. My Mom was a single mom after 15 yrs of marriage and I think she probably just felt overwhelmed. She did her very best. Nonetheless, I often wished to have friendly company more often. My hope is that our home can become the "Hub" for Ruby and her friends. I love to watch their interactions and to see Ruby work out situations and learn lessons in ways that I often feel I might miss teaching her because I work. I am learning that her friends teach her too! Something that should seem so obvious, gets easily blurred for me as I often look through the eyes of "working mother"guilt. (That's certainly not to say that stay-at-home mom's don't work. I am strictly referring to outside of the home work.) I am thankful for this insight. I am thankful for my life such as it is! And I am thankful for MY friends!

Missing my hubby (again)

I miss him

Week One

So, it's been 1 week without TV. I'll be honest, it's not suer easy to go from TV to no TV, but we are trudging along. The first three days were great. The last 4 more of a challenge keeping Ruby entertained and helping her to answer the question, "what should I doooooooooooooooo?!" This mostly tells me that we made the right decision as it would appear that Ruby cannot "function" without the presence of some TV cartoon or show. Nevertheless, it added A LOT more work to my load this week than I'd realize it would. We'll see what week 2 has planned for us. Ruby goes back to school after Winter Break and she begins her extracurricular activities as well so I'm thinking we should be golden. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, here are some fun photos I took of Ruby and her sisters while at an outing at the Crocker Art Museum today.

P.S. If you have some ideas about how to transition out of TV Mode, I'd love to hear 'em. Let's have a great week everyone!

growing pains

Lately, I can't seem to make her happy. I'm not sure if I'm missing the mark or if it's just being 6 years old. Either way, I miss being her Ultimate Happy.

My Love

Today I am missing my other half. He is a traveling man and while he's usually never gone for too long, sometimes, one day is too much.

cHiCkEn SoUp

Making chicken soup for my family makes me feel good. (Making ANYTHING for my family makes me feel good!) That's why today's Picture of the Day #2 are the special ingredients I will be using for this meal. They are beautiful and bright and packed with good stuff. They represent the spirit for which I want to start this year: healthy. It is 41* outside but in my home we will be warm and cozy. Come by for a bowl if you're around!

2013!

Welcome 2013! I am so looking forward to you. I welcome you with big, warm, open arms!

2012, while not a bad year, came with it's set of challenges. Most notably, a very busy life style that left us feeling worn, with little time to recoup and, of course, the loss of our loved ones: my Tio Nacho and most recently, my sister's Grandmother-in-law, Dorothy. They will live in our hearts and in our memories. Needless to say, I think our family is ready to start with a clean slate and move forward in remembrance. Thank you 2012 for all the good and for all the challenges. We tried to learn from it all.

As usual, I begin to make a mental (and sometimes written) list of my goals for this year. Mostly, my goals have to do with being healthier in mind and body. The usual eat healthier, exercise, get outdoors etc. This year though, our family made a very big decision. We got RID of our television. That's right folks! No TV. We still have our computers and iPads etc where we can partake of Netfilx here and there, but for the most part we have been spending a lot more time with each other, going for walks, reading, sketching, playing, listening to lots of music. It has truly been glorious. It's been about 3 days and already we feel like our time together was more productive. I had a hard time letting go, I'll admit, but it was the best decision we've made as a family in a long time. I am thankful for my husband's insight and gentle nudge.

Today being the very first day of the new year, I will begin my daily posts on this blog of mine. The focus will be more on the Picture of the Day at times, but the point is to feed my creativity and help oil my brain's writing wheels (they are rusty). So, without further ado, here is the Picture of the Day for January 1, 2013. It reminds me of what's important in life and to let go more rather than to hold on. Much love and health to you all.

xo

NYC Therapy

I just got back from a wonderful trip to NYC with my husband and I truly feel alive again! I could feel the stress actually start melting away as we boarded the plane and continued as we sat there, just the two of us. Uninterrupted. At peace. For several hours, it continued to feel like it was just the two of us again, as we sat on that plane. Obviously, we love our family and neither of us would change a thing about it, but connecting on that level is difficult to do at home when you're surrounded by commitments and expectations and household chores. For three and a half incredible days, we reverted to looking out for one another more consistently; to holding hands, sneaking glances and flirting. We complimented each other more and spoke about the other with great pride, as if to show off a little. We sometimes sat next to each other in silence, but still connected, and other times we just talked. About nothing in particular or things we were enjoying. We were close again. And it was nice to know that it was all still there, underneath the daily grind of it all. It was like breathing fresh air for the first time, again. He's my fresh air. It's easy forget our spouse's little nuances that truly made us fall crazy in love with them. But I saw them all! Together we saw many beautiful, amazing and interesting sights in that Big Apple. We ate till our hearts' content and drank wine, enough to make us giddy! We visited an old friend and laughed like crazy. We had an incredible adventure. But the best part of all was seeing my husband again, in that light. And reconnecting again.

Motivation

I struggle with motivation when it comes to exercise. And I know I'm not alone. I seem to be on a roller coaster where I'm pumped and high about working out for a while, but slowly lose steam and find it difficult to get up off the sofa. I even clean my house rather than go for a run if given the choice. I also have what I like to refer to as OCD tendencies. In this case, it means that if I don't start a workout routine on, say, Sunday, then starting on Monday already seems out of order for that week. As a result, I may end up putting off beginning said work out until the following Sunday. This is the place I find myself in TODAY, late Sunday evening. My plan is to get up and do my short cardio and weights DVD in the morning which would be the best time for this as the rest of the day tends to zip right by. Did I mention I wasn't a morning person? Anyway, this IS my plan. My long term goal is to lose another 10-12 lbs. and to do it by eating healthy foods and exercising. I don't want to end up being like many of the patients I see daily with a list of health issues as they get older. I want to be a positive example for my daughter and I need to do this by setting the example to begin with. I also want to look hot in jeans! Cross your fingers for me and stay tuned...

I'm back!

Hello world!
It's been a really long time! I have missed writing and sharing. I'm a little, well, a lot rusty at it, so bare with me. So much has happened in the last 3 yrs, I don't even know where to begin! Let's see, my girl is now six years old, I've recently celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary and am getting ready to bring in my 40th birthday with a trip to NYC! Childhood dream NYC is! Anyway, I just wanted to drop in to get started and to get the feel for writing to you again. I really have missed having a place to put down my thoughts and experiences. At the end of the day, sometimes that's all we have. I'll be updating this little blog spot of mine with new stories and pictures. I had this grand idea that I'd chronicle a year's worth of life and happenings via writing and photography. Gonna do my best. I've got BIG plans for this upcoming year and hope to share them with you as I go.

It's nice to be back. I like it here.

M

Law and Order

Not too long ago, I went on a ride with a detective for SPD. For a short moment, it felt like I was in a movie. We were driving on I-5, in the detective's unmarked car, on our way to the county jail to interview a suspect, when we got stuck in a bit of traffic. (Did I mention that the detective was a female and therefore that much cooler!?! ) All of a sudden, Smartguy decided he was going use the shoulder to pass us all and get onto his exit. I loved this moment especially because this is the type of moment when you minding your own business and some jack ass does something truly stupid and you ask yourself, "where the hell are the cops when you need them?" Well, in this case, they were in the car with me! The detective reached down under her console and pulled the switch that turns her rear view mirror into a set of lights and sets off the sirens. I think I about peed my pants I was so excited! She pulled the guy over and pretty much let him have it! The way she exited the car, with confidence that shone all the way to So Cal, I wished I could have just a smidgen of it. When she came back into the car, she was truly pissed off and told us what stupid fool the guy was and how he just kept digging himself into a hole more and more. She told him he was lucky she had an appointment, otherwise, she'd have booked him! OMG! She was so strong and so confident. Kinda like the female cops on TV. For reals!

Mish-mash of Thoughts

So many things have happened since last we spoke. We have a new President of the U.S. (Woo-Hoo, go Obama)! The economy seems to be going BUST more and more every day. I've turned another year older. Ruby has informed me that she's not a baby, "I'm just a girl." She's also now sleeping in a "big girl" bed (very fitting, I think, for someone who is "just a girl). Mom is coming down for Christmas and staying 2 weeks! Thanksgiving was yummy for many, many reasons. I've decided to become an AVON representative to supplement my "just for me" income. AND, I will be taking on-call shifts at my work. I'm sure I'm missing some events, especially major global ones, but I've decided to focus on the ones that directly affect me at this moment. 

So, all of this and we still have a month to go! With Christmas in the mix, no less! There are lights to put up, decorations to decide on, family pics to take, Christmas cards to send out, a Christmas tree to acquire and then put up, Christmas gifts to obtain and wrap, and many, many other little tasks that need to be completed! This is my favorite time of the year, but also the busiest. We decided to adopt a family for the holidays this year, making it the second year in a row. "We" means our immediate family by the way. We opted to do this sans gifts for each other, so I only need to get gifts for my hubby and girl. It is a pretty awesome feeling that you get when you deliver the goodies to the family who needs them more than you do. It's inexplicable. I just know it makes me feel good, and I like it. I think that it will be something we will continue to do going forward. Yay!

Well, as you can tell, this particular blog is just my ramblings. I don't really have any specific event to write about or point to make. I mainly wanted to say "HELLO" and "I've missed writing." So I will say goodbye until next time and wish you all the Merriest of Christmases and a very happy, healthy and safe New Year! I am thankful for you every day.

Mt. Whitney

I have a new relationship with a mountain. Apparently, the largest "in the northern 46," whatever that actually means. It peaks at about 14K feet, has 97 switchbacks, is home to many brown (and black, AKA aggressive) bears, it lays in pure wilderness and, in October, it has snow on it. My brave, strong and beautiful husband just summited this mountain. He did this over the weekend with 4 other guys I've never met. Nice guys, I'm sure, and most of them expert "adrenaline junkies" therefore meaning that they have experience with this sort of thing. For my sweet babe though, it was his first climb. This was supposed to be a "hiking" trip, mind you, which quickly turned into a "mountaineering" expedition! 

This all began on Wednesday, when Chad informed me that in order to obtain the permits required to hike the mountain, he would need to head on down to the site that day. He packed his gear (thank God he had all the right stuff) and headed down for a weekend of fun and excitement. Since the other 4 guys were not going to be able to join him until Friday morning, he decided to take the scenic route and camp at the Yosemite Park, a place he'd never been to. He did just that and called me with reports of his adventures and sent me pictures of the beautiful sights. Thursday morning, he headed down to Mt. Whitney where he obtained all permits required, checked out the small town of I-Don't-Even-Know-It's-Name, and stayed at a local hostel for a good night's sleep before the big descent the following day. We discuss that he will most likely not have reception at some point in their climb, so we agree that he will call me when they come down from the hike, hopefully on Saturday. He also tells me he's not sure about the timing, AKA, coming down the "hill" late in the eve, so he may not be home until Sunday. Okee dokee.

Friday, Chad calls me one last time to tell me the boys have arrived and they are heading off! "God Bless my Baby" I say to myself after hanging up the telephone and wishing he and his crew lots of luck and a safe return. I try to go on about my business that day, all the time pretending I'm not all that worried that he's never attempted anything like this before and that I hope he knows what he's getting himself into. Of course, he's already explained to me that the guys he is going with are pretty much expert rock climbers, but, HE's not, and that is all I can think of. Also on my mind is the sudden cold front that came our way this past weekend. If I'm cold here, well, I'm sure you can tell where I went with that one.

Saturday morning arrives and I think, "thank God they are coming down today." Little did I know that it had snowed up on Whitney and that they would end up having to camp overnight, AGAIN! I also did not know at the time (thank God) that it was about 16 degrees Fahrenheit that night for my Chad! OMG! I did not hear from him all day or night. I slept with my phone. It did not ring. I just lay there, quiet. Not a sound. Not until sometime, middle of the day on Sunday. My eyes welled up with tears and I was so relieved, but, of course, I did not let on about my worries. I did not want to be the "whiny wife." He sounded beat and congested. He shared some of the excitement with me, ensured me that he was well and uninjured and went to "collect himself." A warm $5 bath at the hostel, some food and a 5 hour drive home later, my husband was home, safe and sound!

Now, I can go on and on about the treacherous details and goings-on, including the news-flash on TV about the 2 rock slides at Yosemite the night he camped there, but instead, I will choose to remember this mother-of-a-mountain, (this whole adventure, really) as one who returned my husband to me in one sweet, healthy piece! 

My head is spinning with worry...

I know I said I'd have something more positive to talk about next time I blogged, but, right now,  I'm worried about our future. For the first time in my life, I have an understanding of what it means when people say, "this will affect our children and our children's children." I feel a bit lost in this country right now. Lost in the sense that I know we need to go in a different direction, yet there is the high possibility that we will keep doing business as usual. I'm feeling like we are going to make our children's lives a living hell with all of the debt they will have to repay for US, and all of the healing and face-saving they will have to do globally on our behalf. I am VERY ANGRY at this current administration. So much so that I wish they'd get booted right now (the boot is a long time coming) and be ridiculed in front of the whole world to see. I want them to apologize for putting their wants before our children's needs. I want them to be held responsible and accountable for the CF of problems we find ourselves knee deep in (and rising)! How can they get away with so much? I can't even get away with sending in a late payment without some jerk calling me to offer a friendly reminder that I owe them money. And I'm killing myself trying to make ends meet, so it's not like I'm just ignoring a debt or think that I'm above it. Or even worse, feel a sense of entitlement because my government practically gave it to me in, well, do I really need to say it?? I AM ANGRY. I AM DISAPPOINTED. AND I AM NOW VERY WORRIED. 

What does all of this financial crisis mean for the type of life I will be able to offer my kids? Will we ever again have an opportunity to take our kids to visit family, go to Disneyland, or even take them abroad to see the world? What does repaying our debt look like for our children? Will they have the opportunity to have a very good education (because that's what I expect: very good, not just good)? Will they have the opportunity for excellent health coverage and excellent health management, EVER? Will they be able to buy a house when the time comes? And how does all of this compare to the lifestyle and concreted safety net that the Bush administration has secured for themselves by selling the USA out? I AM VERY ANGRY. I AM SO VERY WORRIED.

One thing I do know for certain: I will learn everything I can about how to make smart, financial decisions for my family in order to do the best that I can to ensure some level of security. I will work and work and work myself until I pay off all of our debt in order to offer my children and my marriage the best possible life. AND I will cast my vote (the only control over any of this mess that I know I have) for the only light at the end of the long, rough and dark tunnel: Barrack Obama. I believe in him. I believe that he wants the best for my family and each citizen of this country. I truly believe he can bring pride and honor back to the USA. I believe that I will find my way in my own country again because things will make sense again. 

So it's been a while....

and we have completed our camping trip, had a 2nd birthday party, got new tubes and have grown by leaps and bounds since last we spoke. The camping trip went well. Ruby loved the outdoors, slept decently in a tent and we didn't even have a face-off with a bear! Pheew! I didn't sleep much mainly because I was constantly worried that Ruby would uncover herself and be exposed to the cold of the forest all night or slip into her sleeping bag and be lost forever! I know, I'm very dramatic. I truly wish I didn't think that way. But alas, I am cursed in this way.

Her party was a great success. Everyone present seemed to have a good time, including myself (which is odd and usually a neurotic experience for me) and most importantly, Ruby seems to have an understanding of what the event was all about and speaks about it to this day. That probably means the most to me. She still sings "Happy Birthday to Ruby..." and then smiles big. This is such a precious time in her life and ours. I want to capture it all. She's also in this role-play mode where she wants to do whatever we do. I want to FEED this mode. I LOVE this mode. I can watch her all day long.

On Sept 11, Ruby got her 2nd set of tubes. I wish that I could say that I felt good about it, but she seems to still have an infection, so it just feels like a lot of work and sacrifice (mainly on Ruby's part) without any of the benefits. It makes me angry and upset to think about it. Any advice?? Any miracle cures?? I'm open to ideas. 

Work has been rough on us lately. Chad is traveling a lot and I'm swamped, to say the least, at work. We're also going into holiday mode which, in retail, means A LOT of work and usually little time at home. So, we still have our work cut out for us for the rest of the year. I pray for guidance and direction and patience and moments of clarity for us all. I need some time with my hubby. Just he and I. Not sure when we'll get it. Probably not this year. At least the year is almost over. I think I'm going to plan a getaway for us for the new year. A nice long weekend. I'll keep you posted on my thoughts on that one, but I think this will act as our light at the end of the tunnel. Good thing we have several good Mag lights to get through he tunnel! We're gonna need them! 

So, I'm thinking ahead and hoping my Mom can come up for Christmas. It's selfish to expect her to come, but I do. I really want her to be here. I still believe she will be one day. This current sinking economy is not helping the situation. She's been laid off and is currently looking for a new job. I think she and Al are OK, mainly because he still has his job and they live very modestly, but I know it's hard and limits them completely. This is one of those situations I wish I could write Oprah about and dream that she will fix it! You know, the nice , furnished home she surprises Mom with in Sacramento, plus extra money to retire on, and unlimited Southwest Airlines flights for Al to go back and forth to visit family and for both to travel with! Sounds good huh? I'm just California Dreamin'. That doesn't cost me a penny. 

I promise to have more exciting, less depressing news next time! I sure missed my blog. I won't be gone for so long this time. Much, much love....

We are going camping....

.....Labor Day weekend. It will be Ruby's first camping trip and we are planning on roughing it in tents, sleeping bags, grillin' on a little propane stove and no planned baths. Hmmmm. I hope I'm making the right choice here. I think what concerns me most of all are the naps. OR possible lack thereof. Already she has a hard time napping in her cozy, darkened room when she knows Mommy and Daddy are around. I'm thinking it will be hard to recreate darkness and silence in the middle of the day out in the forest, surrounded by friends and family.  Who knows? It may all work out. Right???

I am excited though. Chad and I used to go camping at least once each summer, but since Ruby was born, we haven't really been able to do so. It's always so beautiful and fresh and crisp. Something we don't really get in the city. Not to mention the foliage and the waters and critters and mountains.... you get the picture. What a treat for us all! I'll have to follow this blog with pictures so you can share in the sights!

Long night

Last night I heard a gun shot right outside my home. I panicked and immediately began the process of elimination about what it "really" was that I heard. Nothing. So I got up and checked on Ruby and then every window (phone in hand), expecting to see someone outside of it. Nothing. No sirens, no cops. Not even commotion from neighbors. I should mention that Chad is in Seattle on this eve. I called my brother because I knew he'd be up. It was now after midnight. He, of course, answered the phone and offered to come by. I asked him to just stay on the phone with me. He did. And he did a good job of getting my mind off of my worry. I was so tired and sleepy that I had to just bite the bullet and go to sleep. 

It took me a while and I woke up with every sound I heard. I had weird dreams and eventually woke up to Ruby crying at 5am. Half asleep and slightly relieved that I could be right next to my girl to protect her, I clutched my sweet pea out of her crib and took her to my bed. Kelly, who sleeps right next to my bed, got up and I proceeded to step on what I described to Ruby as Kelly-poo. All I have to say is that Kelly is lucky to be alive. We eventually fell asleep and I woke up 1 hour later to Ruby climbing on top of me to snuggle. She said, "blanket" which translates into "cover me please" and then she placed her head on the nook between my neck and shoulder. She said, "Mama" and I could hear the smile on her face. All of a sudden, I felt re-energized and so very blessed. 

It was a wild night! The next evening, while chatting with my neighbor Kali, I asked her if she'd heard a gunshot the night before. This is when she told me that her roommate Mikah shot his bb gun from their upstairs deck while messing around with his buddies. I think I want to hurt him!

Today...

I am feeling a bit sick again! I know, I know. Again?? But I am going to nip this in the bud and see my doc this afternoon. I am also missing my husband who is now in Seattle. And my girl, who is at school. I think i get this way when I don't feel so good. Anyway, we had a wonderful weekend. It started off with picking up Hannah and having Mamie over, and it included watching Ruby get smarter and funnier by the minute! We also did some sibling garage-sale-ing (sp?) and had a play date with Jadie! Groceries were purchased, toiletries were obtained. A tank of gas was filled. What more can a girl ask for? I even have some change in my pocket for coffee!!

What I still need to do is this: I need to check out Brian's rental, my bro's new pad and T&T's tore-up house (as a result of repairs and renovations, of course)! I think I may give everyone a jingle and set this up.

Also, I will be working on Ruby's B-day invites this week. I love doing this stuff! I love that you read this stuff! Anyway, talk some more later....m